Coloring within the lines

My daughters have answers to every question asked. Check out our conversations recently:

Hailey: (Makes a sound; half-belch, half-hiccup, half-cough)

Me: (Teasingly) Did you just belch?

Hailey: No! I don’t belch.

Me: You don’t?

Hailey: Yes. I am not a boy!

Me: (Rolls eyes in defeat)

Me: (Offering Hailey her 4 o'clock tea) Do  you want bread or pancakes to go with that?

Hailey: (Thinks for a moment) My heart tells me to go with pancakes

Me: (Does a quick double take) YOUR HEART tells you?

Hailey: Yes. (Smiles sweetly) My heart tells me to eat pancakes.

Me: Ok then. Let’s follow what your heart says, shall we? (Hands her pancakes)

Me: Heidi, have you done your homework?

Heidi: (Absentmindedly) No

Me: Why?

Heidi: (Ever so innocently!) Coz I have not done my homework.

Me: Heidi, did you finish your food?

Heidi: No

Me: Why?

Heidi: Coz I did not finish my food

Hailey surprises you with very unconventional answers (My heart tells me? I am yet to get over that statement. She is barely six for chrissake!), while Heidi never gives a reason for anything she does! She is in love with the word ‘coz’ and it has to punctuate her every statement.

You tell her not to remove her sweater, and she asks “Coz…?”

“Coz if you do, I will spank your bottom, that’s coz!” I am tempted to respond.

Incidentally, ‘bottom’ is an anatomy she is fascinated with too!
“Mum, you’re washing my bottom?” She asks laughingly when I am giving her a bath.

“Muuuum! Hailey slapped me on my bottom!”

“Muuum! Hailey touched my bottom!”

I am left wondering if her bottom is that sensitive or she just loves to use the word.

After giving me the ‘coz I have not done my homework’ response in one of the interrogations above, I asked Heidi to bring her book so that I could help with homework. She had been asked to color a car drawn by her teacher. The idea is to color within the lines. So she takes the crayon and starts coloring. She really tries. But she is not perfect yet and so some colors cross the outline. Which gets me thinking...

How many adults are still doing what Heidi was asked to do? Still coloring within the lines? Someone drew some invisible lines for us and we subconsciously try to keep within the boundary. Afraid to try anything out of the norm. Who said we all have to be good in sciences? Get married and have children by the age of thirty? Have a skinny body and light skinned complexion? We kill our uniqueness every single day as we try to live like everyone else. And when we cannot live up to those standards, we beat ourselves up, become depressed and unhappy with feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing. So many problems while we could just be content with being ourselves and consequently live a happy, fulfilling life by being who we are meant to be! Haven’t we humans perfected the art of complicating life?! Think about it really.

How about drawing the line wherever you want and not letting anyone else show you where the coloring should stop. Know what you want and make it your personal goal to achieve that which your heart desires. Isn’t life better that way? Aren’t we happier when we conquer the fear of exploring (coloring) outside that box?

Asking a child to color within the lines stifles their creativity. Why not give them a blank page instead? See how far their imagination goes. Heidi did her homework all right. She colored the car and tried as much as possible to stick within the boundaries. But I vowed to teach her how to get the most out of life. To go over and beyond. Explore the unexplored. Seek the undiscovered. Once she was through with her homework, I gave her another option. I gave her a blank piece of paper and asked her to color anywhere with whichever colors she fancied. Take a risk. Make a mess. Go where your imagination takes you.

You never know; coloring outside the lines might produce an even better picture. Out of that mess, could come something insanely spectacular.

Coloring within the lines is good. Neat. Perfect. But when you think about it, what is so great about perfect?

“Mum, who gave birth to me?”

We were setting the breakfast table, my dancer and I. Hailey and Heidi sat on their small plastic chairs; Hailey's is purple, Heidi's is lemon green. Should Hailey sit on the lemon green chair, or Heidi on the purple one, there will be war! The day was a saturday, the 29th of December 2012 and since each child sat on their respective chairs, there was peace. A quiet peaceful Saturday morning it was. Also Hailey's birthday.

Naturally, we started to reminiscence about the birth of both our children. Going down memory lane, we noted that both of them were born on significant years in the Kenyan Calendar; I gave birth to Hailey during the 2007 elections and I was heavy with Heidi when we had the referendum vote for the new constitution in 2010. The joker that he is, md (my dancer, gerrit?) remarked “Next year is an election year, what is wrong with this picture?!” as he caressed my tummy. Mmmmmh...what indeed?

Our talk shifted to Heidi's birth, how she turned two just the other day and yet she was gabby to no end - people always point out that she learnt to speak too soon. As we went on and on about Heidi this, Heidi that, Hailey, feeling left out, asked “And me? Mum, who gave birth to me?” and we were taken by surprise. A tilted flask that was serving tea was placed down on the table as md and I looked at each other. A non verbal agreement was made that I should take this one.

I sat down with her and explained to her the core meaning behind the title “Mother” aka ‘Mum’ or ‘Mummy!’. We had been teaching Hailey a lot about her identity; her full names-all three of them, her parent's names; mine she says quite effortlessly, her father's name she struggles with yet it is supposed to be the easier one. She knows how old she is, the name of her school and where she lives. We were therefore surprised that though she knows that I am her mother, she had no clue why I lay claim to that title! But how was she to know? Now that I think about it, I remember her telling me once “Mum, your baby has woken up” when she heard Heidi crying in bed.

“I gave birth to you, that is why you call me Mum” I told her. The clown in md could not resist looking at me with a mocking smile that said “You feel pretty good about yourself, don't you?”

I told him to cut it out before Hailey asks why he was called “Daddy” and he would have to explain his role in her existence. What would he say then, I can just imagine him struggling to find the right words; that he planted a seed in Mummy perhaps? The conversation (God forbid) would go something like:

H: A seed? Like the ones in Watermelon
(What can I say... she loves watermelon, and the watermelon seeds are the only ones she knows yet)
MD: Yes. Like the seeds in watermelon (he would lie, not knowing what else to say.) 
Maybe I’d feel sorry seeing him trying so hard? Errm...Not really.
H: So, mum ate the watermelon seeds that you gave her? (she would continue inexorably)
MD: Eeee...yes (He would struggle with a straight face)
H: But....Heidi and I also eat the watermelon seeds...will we... (Now she would be confused)
MD: That is different... Now take your tea before it gets cold! (He would end the conversation with finality)

Lets just be grateful that Hailey did not ask any further questions - That would have been a disaster! I however know that the day is coming; the questions will come and answers will be needed. Plausible answers. Ready or not.

I know its cliche, but honestly, where do the years go! I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that Hailey is five years old. She understands a lot these days. While watching news with her the other day, this woman whose household had been affected by the raging floods in December was beseeching ‘sirikal’ to come to her aid since she had nowhere to go and she did not know where her husband and children were. Hailey then asked me “Mum, why doesn’t she just come here, there is no rain here why won’t she come and stay with us?” She was very concerned. Yet just yesterday she was a little baby...

When I took her to school on opening day, we came across children who were being admitted to baby class. The day came with the usual drama of scared children (first-timers), apprehensive parents and nervous teachers. One kid was yelling, as his mother struggled to walk away. Back in 2011, Hailey did not honour me with that kind of fit. She did not shed a tear for mum. Nada. Just a simple goodbye, I love you and that was it. The transition was so smooth that I was slightly jealous of the parents whose kids refused to let go of their legs as they wailed uncontrollably.

It will be Heidi’s turn next year. Maybe she will cry. Maybe just like Hailey, she will blend in with the crowd and wonder what the other children are fussing about.Hopefully, I will be here to tell you all about it.

A year comes along and a tonne of responsibility comes with it. My calendar looks full already; Potty training for Heidi is here, extraction of milk teeth for Hailey continues - did I tell you we already extracted two? I presume the birds and the bees talk looms just around the corner for her as well?

As a parent, you never catch a break, do you?