Back to the Beginning.

We always start with a mattress, don’t we? We take our first salary which is not much at the time and we go to a supermarket nearby because carrying a mattress over a long distance is nobody’s piece of cake. With our meager earnings, we purchase a mattress that will be as kind to our backs as it will be to our pockets. We grab a cheap blanket and pair of sheets on the way out and, carrying our only possessions proudly in our hands, walk with heads held high into an empty house to start our life of independence.

We will spread the mattress on the floor at the far corner of our one-roomed house. This mattress will serve as our sleeping area, our dining table and our sofa. For the most part, we will not entertain visitors much. We will not cook much either. The nearby food kiosk will be our saving grace from starvation as  we will rush there to grab a serving of madondo or githeri or … what else it there … chapati? to take us through these empty days.

We will however not live like this forever. Our circumstances will help fan a flame in us. A flame that will propel us to excel. We will want more room. We will get tired of madondo chapo and crave for home-cooked ugali, sukuma wiki and beef stew. We will then save up to buy a stove or a jiko, a sufuria and a cooking stick. Maybe one plate and a cup? A spoon and fork…no, the cutlery can wait. We will fall asleep on the mattress and on it dream of laying our heads on a bed for a change. We will have an obsessive desire to sit on one of those fluffy couches that come with pillows to cushion your bum and your back. We will want. This wanting will drive us to work even harder. We will hustle day and night for more financial freedom. Soon we will be rushing back to the supermarket for that bed. For that dining table. For the curtains that match the seats. For a carpet, a fridge and a cooker. Subsequently, we will move into a bigger house. In no time, our cold and empty one-roomed house will become a warm fully furnished multiple-roomed home.

How about that for small beginnings?

This is how most of us are introduced to a life of independence. If your stride to independence was to a furnished house then you make me jealous. Consider yourself exceptionally lucky my friend.  I remember my first house. It was a very small affair. It had a sink and a kitchen cabinet – which was a bargain for the rent I was paying. There was barely room for a bed. There was an adjacent room with shelves, which was supposed to be some kind of store room? It was small and cozy. Not much, but it made me proud that I could sustain myself and did not have to live off my siblings anymore. I had come of age. It was exciting as it was limiting.

With time, I could afford to move to a house with rooms and stuff. I had the luxury of a living room and a modern kitchen. This house had a balcony to boot. It was timely too because Hailey happened at the time. The timing couldn’t have been better.

This is what life is about. Evolution. You start small and dare to dream big hoping that someday you will need to create more room for your growing collection of shoes, your ginomous TV set,  your king size bed. We grow progressively. And it is a good thing.

But even when we move to bigger things and bigger places, we never forget our humble beginnings. We always treasure them because it made us want more out of life. With that desire, we were able to strive hard to make it. Our beginnings made us who we are.

This was my first home. I have laughed in here but I have cried most of the time. I have been so many things at different times.Yet with every first home, there comes growth. We live somewhere and with that growth, we tend to want more stuff.  We just want better.

I want more. I want better.

What I am doing now is that I am packing. I am leaving. I am looking for a better home. A bigger home with bigger windows and nicer stuff. I need a backyard. I need more space. It is a bittersweet experience because I am leaving this home that I have grown so attached to. It stings a bit. I don’t know whether to be happy that this new home is a step forward? I should be happy about this no? But then again, humble beginnings. They are responsible for who I am. Bittersweet is the emotion I will settle with for now.

I am emptying the closets and putting everything in labeled boxes. Soon, I will be out of here.

I will sure miss this place.

Come with me?

Come with me!

Come with me.

Goodbye: The End Of A Chapter

Goodbyes are so many things rolled into one: Sad, intense, promising, exhilarating, freeing. Goodbyes are strong. Stronger than ‘see-you-soon’s. Goodbyes seem so final.

I leave my current place of work in a few days. So yeah, that is final. Heart pounding. Butterflies in the stomach. Fear, apprehension, elation, anxiety, anticipation. Leaving any comfort zone is describable using those many adjectives, and then some.

I am saying my goodbyes. When its time to leave, you leave. And it is time. This is the time to put your doubts and fears aside and to forge straight ahead. No looking back. Should I encounter any fears, I will have no choice but to pick them up by their scary horns, look them deep in the eye and explain to them that I will not be cowed. I am on a mission here. I am keeping my eyes on the prize.

That is the only way forward. The way to growth.

Goodbye is inevitable.

In every aspect of our lives, there comes a point of goodbye and the best thing to do when that time comes is to embrace it. You can run, but you can never hide. Don’t hang around with one foot outside the door. Who is it that said that freedom comes when you learn to let go? Do it then. Embrace it!

Goodbye is growth.

It is knowing what you know. Yet wanting to know more. Gnawing persistently at knowledge. Wanting to explore what it out there. Learning. Growing. Interacting.

Goodbye is change.

Embracing change. Stepping away from familiarity. Daring to see things in a different light. Letting the world take you places. Surrendering to your destiny.  Allowing the universe to teach you. Taking what you learn and using it to better yourself, enrich your spirit. Lead a fulfilling life.

Goodbye is the memories.

Cherishing the good times, the laughs, the smiles, the Monday blues, the bad hair days, the opportune helping hand, the shared secrets, the office gossip, the awkward moments after bumping into each other in the cloak room, the conversations during lunch break, the opinions shared. The disagreements. The office ‘parties’.  Wedding and funeral mchangos for colleagues. Weekend hangouts. Shared frustrations at obstinate copying machines refusing to work. The list is endless. Memories.

Goodbye is gratitude.

For having made it to this particular moment. For the person you have become. For the many many incidences that have helped shape you. For the difficult days you thought you would never get through, and yet did. For the hurdles that you managed to overcome along the way. Goodbye is a thank you for playing a part in shaping my destiny. For a chance to prove that I am up to the task, whatever that may be. For preparing me for my next chapter.

Goodbye is a fresh start.

A final chance to right a wrong. To say the unsaid. The parting shot. It is the opportune time for forgiveness. You do not want to leave with a heavy heart; that will only drag you down. You want to leave feeling lighter. You want the past to remain in the past. No baggage. Yes, goodbye is the perfect time to wipe that slate clean. To start over again.

Goodbye is a promise.

A promise to call and say hi, to whatsApp good day wishes, to share good reads, funny memes, a link to an inspirational article. To check up on you when you are under the weather. To keep in touch. To like your facebook page, to retweet your tweets. To wish your son a happy birthday. A promise of a strong friendship, distance notwithstanding.

It is a promise to myself. To be better. To do better. To know better. A promise not to repeat previous mistakes. To work harder. And no matter the place or the circumstances, to keep doing the work.

Goodbye is hello

Hello to the next chapter, the next challenge. It is an introduction to the new; Hi, my name is Renee. And a chance to enjoy the novelty that comes with new experiences.

Growth, change, gratitude, memories, promises… I am feeling so many emotions right now. Goodbye is not a bad thing at all. That must be the reason why cuddling next to the butterflies, there is this excitement deep down in my tummy. There is a fullness in my heart. Clarity in my head. There never was a better time to say goodbye.

One chapter of my life ends here.

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As for you reading this, I beg that you stick around. You will get to see more of me henceforth - that’s a promise. The breathings of my heart have never been more pronounced.

Another chapter begins now.

So, hello!