The Reward

We are doing breakfast, my sisters and I. My dad did something interesting with our names. He named his first two daughter names beginning with (I), the last two he gave names starting with (V) then for the middle daughter, who sits smack in the middle of the I’s and the V’s he distinguishingly gave a name starting with ‘R’. Granted, this must have been a coincidence since there is no way he could have known beforehand that he would have five girls in succession. But still, the coincidence is uncanny.

Breakfast it is, at my sister’s place. Now such gatherings are normally very interesting because there is laughter, there is madness then there are the arguments. Part of the fun of having siblings is for the fights right?

I see how Hailey and Heidi do it. One day they are the best of buddies, throwing in the ‘sister’ word here and there in their sentences. “Mum, sister yangu anataka maji ya kunywa” Heidi says as she comes to fetch drinking water for Hailey. Or Hailey insists on giving Heidi a piggyback ride, and when I try to warn her that they might both fall down, Hailey reminds me “Si Heidi ni sister yangu?” – Like that has anything to do with anything. On other days however, the sisterhood is thrown out the window and they scratch each other’s faces, and a stern “Hauna miguu?” is shot when one asks the other to bring her something. That is what siblingry (if such a word exists) is all about: Fighting with love.

Ever watched the series Brothers and Sisters? You get to witness typical sibling behavior in this series; the gossiping of a sibling by the others to a point that it finally reaches the gossipee and all hell breaks loose; the formation of alliances against one common ‘enemy’; the silent treatment of yet another sibling for a reason they have no clue about, and so on. I seriously need to catch up on this series from season 4 onwards.

This post is going somewhere, I promise.

Breakfast at my sister’s. I am charged with preparing Sandwiches.  All five of us have a thing about well cooked, adequately spiced (masala) tea that has enough milk. I therefore steered away from tea preparation because the pressure my friend. The pressure! No, sandwiches were much safer. Every time we visit each other, we  prepare tea with precision. We just don’t take kindly to mediocre tea. You will be forgiven for forgetting to add the key ingredient to your recipe; say, pilau masala to your pilau, but not for serving ill-brewed tea. Be forewarned.

I swear this post is not about tea. Nor is it about food.

So, breakfast. Me, sandwiches. Others prepare sausages. A brave soul takes on the tea while my older sister is busy attending to her 7month old baby. We are chatting about the most recent series. In between this flurry of activities, we mention the series Scandal. Most of us agree that it ain’t all that.  Olivia pope? Meh! There is absolutely nothing phenomenal about Olivia pope. We decide.

“Which series is that again?” my eldest sister asks

“Scandal” all of us reply

She shrugs “I don’t know about movies or series anymore. I don’t watch them”

We all nod in understanding. We all assumed that her little boy is taking most of her time. I remember how it took a while with Hailey and Heidi for my life to become ‘normal’ again. It took months to finally get some alone time or even manage a trip to the hairdresser’s. Between her job and taking care of the baby, we understood how hard it was to squeeze in a few hours of TV.

“But you need to grab some ‘me’ time whenever you get the chance.”  we offered our advice.

To which she said “No. I wouldn’t do that”

“Why?” we were curious.

“Not now. Maybe a year from now. I don’t know… I consider it as rewarding myself for a task I haven’t even completed yet. ” she replied.

 “Wow!” “Deep!” “Aaaw!” we all said in unison.

 “See, I look forward to his first birthday. In fact, his first birthday will not be about him. His first birthday will be about me. I will then reward myself. But not now” she continued

I had a tear in my eye which I swiftly wiped away.

That was the most beautiful thing I heard someone saying that day.

That was a mother putting a part of her life on hold to deliberately focus on her young son. I found that utterly profound. I Still do.

He is a beautiful boy, my nephew. He is a happy child. When he grows up, I will rat on her mother. I will tell him what his mother did for him. How she took care of him meticulously.

Make no mistake; Mothers. Are. Awesome!

Have an Awesome Week?

What Hailey Knows

Geography dictates that nights are colder when the sky is clear. A clear sky allows heat to escape from the earth to the sky. A clear sky also enables easy visibility of the moon at night. We are therefore tempted to assume that the presence of the moon makes the nights colder while in essence it is the clear sky (which coincidentally enables us to conspicuously spot the moon) that causes the drop in temperatures at night.

And our geography lesson for today ends there.

I am taking the kids to catch the bus to school in the morning, right? It is a cold morning and I lament how cold it is as I pull my jacket to hug my body. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, Hailey looks up to the sky and tells me that the reason it is cold is because the moon is out. Yes, it is cold when the moon is out, she shares.

You must have caught on by now that my children have a thing for the moon. This must mean something, and I believe we will find out in due course.

I ask Hailey to repeat what she just said because I can’t believe my ears. She goes “When there is a moon, it is cold” I say ok. Then silence.

We wait for the bus which should be here any minute now. Heidi is standing quietly beside me. I am looking at Hailey just to make sure that nobody made a switch at night to give me someone else’s daughter. She has Hailey’s face alright. I see my cheeks in there. My eyes are looking back at me. Her father’s ears and nose stand out defiantly. Haha..those ears! They confirm to me that I have the right child for sure.

“Who told you that mum?” I ask after the long pause.

“What?” she asks. She already forgot we were having a conversation. Kids!

“Who told you about the moon and the cold nights?”

“I just know” she says as she shrugs her shoulders

“Come on. Who told you” I ask again. Coz really, I need an answer.

“Najua tu!” she shrugs her shoulders again.    

    

Then we see the bus. It’s hugs and kisses. “I love you!”, “Good day!” and off they go!

I am left there standing, and still in need of an answer. Sorry, but Najua tu will not cut it for this mother. Someone is educating my daughter about stuff and I have a right to know who, right? I know for a fact that they are not on ‘The Correlation Between The Moon and Cold Nights’ topic in their Science lesson because 1) She is in class one. So, pleeease! Digital kids or not, NO WAY! 2) I check her books every evening, which confirms point no. 1, that they are still learning the basics. Come on, she doesn’t even know what the word ‘Correlation’ means!

This is what you see when you go through Hailey’s Science book.

When the trees are swaying, it is a windy day.

When the sun is out, it is a sunny day.

When it is raining, it is a rainy day.

When there is cloud cover, it is a cloudy day.

The above sentences are accompanied by ill-drawn pictures of the sun, rains, swaying trees and clouds.

They were asked to carry balloons the other day to learn about air and bubbles and moving air - which is called wind by the way. Hihi…you’re so welcome!

Given the above evidence, I expect weather conversations with her to border along the lines; “Mum, since it is raining, today is a rainy day sindio?”  Yesterday, while reading her Science book, she looked up to ask me whether it is possible to have rainy and windy nights as well. To which I answered in the affirmative.

You get my point?

I need to know who is teaching my baby and the fact that she is not sharing information with me has me worried

This is how it all begins. It’s the moon today, tomorrow it will be the “Birds and the Bees’ story. She is growing so fast and before you know it, it will be time for that talk. I will sit her down and putting my shyness (Yes I am shy… sometimes) aside, I will look her straight in the eye (Oh boy!) and say; “Hailey, I think it is time we had a talk.”

“Ok” she will respond while looking at me straight in the eye. Hailey has a steady stare. She looks you straight in the eye when you talk to her.

“Now, there is a story about the ‘Birds and the Bees’…”

The she will burst out laughing. I will look on with shock.

She will laugh and laugh. Hysterically.

“Hailey, what is so funny?”

“Muuum (she likes dragging the ‘mum’) I know that ‘story’!” She will put imaginary quotes on ‘story’ using both her forefingers.

“You do?!”

She will nod, with a smile on her face.

“You know about the birds and the bees?” I will ask again, unbelievably.

She will nod again, still smiling

“Ok. So you know what the story means?” I will give her a knowing look like…you know.

Then she will nod again.

“…REALLY means?” I will not believe her

“Yes, I know what it REALLY means. It means that children are not bought from hospital. That a man and a woman….”

“Ok! Ok! Young lady! I would like to hear the story from you, but first things first. Who told you the story?”

Then she will shrug her shoulders and say “Najua tu!”

I will lose my mind! I promise you!

Like this information falls from the skies?  

Ok, maybe her teacher mentioned about the moon in passing or she heard a conversation between adults. I mean, kids hear and see things and learn from them all the time. It is no big deal really. The only problem I have is with this ‘Najua tu’ business. Why won’t she tell me? Is this what our relationship has become? She learns new stuff and doesn’t see it fit to share with her mother.

Sometimes it is unsettling that my children are growing up and they are learning so much from so many people. PEOPLE I DON’T EVEN KNOW! From the way those people speak, to what they do and how they carry themselves. They are watching, listening and learning. I wish I could hand pick the people they are allowed to emulate. Maybe even make a list for reference. Once out there, their small minds belong to the world. It belongs to her friends, her teachers and any other person who crosses their path in the course of their day.  

Forget the moon stuff, I can let it go that she learnt it somewhere and won’t tell me about it. Maybe she doesn’t even remember where she got that piece of information from. What I will not take sitting down is if someone else beats me to the ‘birds and the bees’ story. What if someone else out there, teaches her about it before I get to it? That really scares me.

I am therefore watching Hailey closely. I am watching her like a hawk. When she is ready for the ‘birds and the bees’ narrative, it will not slip my surveillance. I will grab the chance and be all over her mind like white on rice. She gets to hear it from me first. I think I earned that right when I pushed her out of me in the delivery room 6 years ago. Once we have had the talk, I hope, oh, I pray that she will come to me for clarity whenever she is confused. O how I pray!

In the meantime, this shrugging and “I just know” business between me and Hailey, needs to stop. It has to.

Do you understand my anxiety? Do you?

The Magic Bean

“First tell us a story then sing for us. When you are done, we will all pray and go to sleep” Hailey clearly gives the sequence of events when I try to send them to slumber land with just a prayer. Heidi nods in agreement with her sister. A prayer is never enough. A short story, a song, prayer, then sleep.

I don’t know why I have to sing on most days at 7.30pm in the evening but I indulge them anyway. When you see Hailey’s face as she watches me sing, you would think she is watching Celine Dion in concert. There is never a dull moment with these children of mine. Not one!

The story is always a selection from Cinderella, Snow White and the seven dwarfs, and Little Red Riding Hood. I really need to expand my fairy tales scope. I tried Rumpelstiltskin but scratched it when I couldn’t remember what happens after: Once upon a time, there was a girl called Rumpelstiltskin who had long golden hair. Her hair was so long that it was used as a ladder… Then I hit a blank. I should read that story again to refresh my memory as soon as I am done with writing this post. The things we do for love. *le sigh!*.

The story I enjoy telling the most though, is the one about the boy who cried wolf. I like this story because I get to drive the importance of honesty into my girls’ heads. You should see me saying with exaggerated emphasis, forefinger pointing up; “…the moral of the story is if you insist on telling lies, no one will believe you when you tell the truth” I think I have repeated this phrase a ‘nauseating’ couple of times but thankfully my girls are still too respectful to use the phrase “Shut up Mum!” - I am not sure how long that will last though.

For the longest time, I have been aware that repeating the above stories could soon earn me the badge ‘Boring Mum’. Then this weekend, Phoebe Buffay, she of the comedy Friends (Yeah, don’t mind me. Carry on into the future with The Big Bang Theory while I hang around the 20^th Century for a while longer) handed a fairy tale to me.

It is season 1 of Friends. The one where it all began. Rachel has just left Barry (the groom, an orthodontist) at the altar. She couldn’t marry him because she realized at the last moment, when she was fully dressed in a wedding gown, when the church was full with congregants eager to witness an exchange of nuptials. At that moment, just as she was about to walk towards her future husband’s arms, she realized then that she did not have feelings for Barry. Poor Barry! Great timing?!

So here is Rachel, wondering whether she made a mistake. She left Barry at the altar. Barry was an orthodontist, you know, quite the catch? (Because she was marrying his job?) Now she is at a point where she is second-guessing herself. What if she lives to regret this decision for the rest of her life? Phoebe then steps in. I love Phoebe! She compares Rachel to Jack.  No, not Jack from downstairs. Jack from the Jack and the beanstalk story.

Once upon a time, there was a boy called Jack who lived with her widowed mother. They were very poor. All they had was one cow which they depended on for milk. The cow stopped producing milk and Jack’s mother, not knowing what to do, decided to sell the cow because, you know, hard times. Jack was assigned the task of taking the cow to the market to find a buyer for it. Instead of giving Jack money in exchange for the cow, a butcher offered him five beans which unbeknownst to Jack's mother, were magic beans. Her mother was (understandably) annoyed to get beans in place of her precious cow. Vexed, she threw them out of the window, into the garden where they grew into a huge beanstalk that stretched all the way to the sky. Curious Jack climbs up the beanstalk and discovers a castle whose occupants are a rich Giant and his wife. A beautiful maiden appears from nowhere and informs Jack that everything the Giant has belonged to his father, and was therefore rightfully theirs. Jack then gets into the habit of climbing up the beanstalk to the castle and stealing from the giant when he goes to sleep. He steals gold, a magic hen that lays golden eggs and a magic harp that can sing. His luck however runs out one day when the Giant catches him stealing and starts chasing him down the beanstalk. Jack then yells for his mum to bring an axe, which he uses to cut the beanstalk. The Giant falls with a thud and that was the end of him. Jack and his mum henceforth live richly, happily ever after.

Back to Friends; Rachel wonders if she made a mistake leaving the good life behind to become a waitress in New York. Her friends Phoebe and Monica are trying to encourage her. Just like Jack, she had lost a cow that was not adding value to her life anymore. The Magic bean doesn’t look as valuable as the ‘cow’ was, but it turned things around for Jack and her mother. Rachel’s magic bean is a job as a waitress. A lacklustre job; as lacklustre as a bean is when compared to money. The magic of Rachel’s bean is however manifested in her growth as an independent woman who doesn’t need her father’s credit cards (which she cuts to pieces) or her (orthodontist) husband to survive.

There is always a magic bean for everyone who lets go of something that they believed they couldn’t do without. The magic bean is neither lush nor glamorous. It looks like a pathetic mirage of what we let go of. But that magic bean gets you from where you are, to where you need to be. You have to let go of a cow that doesn't produce milk anymore, in the same way you need to let go of a bad relationship that is hurting you, an addiction that is consuming you; anything that does not add value to your life. Anything that hinders your growth.

To get from a point of misery, poverty, hopelessness, to a point of clarity, hope, and success a magic bean, a very mundane-looking magic bean, could be all you need to hold on to.

I guess you know which story I am telling the girls tonight?

Nothing New Under The Sun

I am clicking away at my phone camera taking numerous photos. There are things that don’t happen every day. This is one such thing. You don’t see this everyday!

“Are you taking a video?” someone asks

“A video. I should take a video!” I think aloud as I switch from camera to camcorder. Why did I not think of that before? I hold my phone tighter, keeping it still between my thumb and forefinger, while using my left hand to steady my right hand. I keep taking the video making sure I position the phone to get the best view while at the same time taking care not to drop it and smash it on the floor. A video is useless on a broken phone.

I am standing on the verandah. Door is slightly open as I move the phone around to capture this moment. “Amazing!” I say inaudibly. I smile. Feeling awfully pleased. A blog post weaving itself in my mind.

A few minutes ago, I had rushed outside to get the laundry from the clothes line. It was a Sunday afternoon. Ominous clouds were gathering in the sky, but I thought nothing of it. It threatened to pour any time soon and so I grabbed the clothes in a quick sweep from where they hang, and dashed into the house to avoid getting soaked in the rain.  I had closed the door behind me not knowing that I'd open it again a few minutes later.

During such times, when it is cold and you are cold and it is raining outside, a warm bed is hard to resist. You are tempted to cover yourself with a heavy blanket as you watch a movie, a comedy or a nice series with a cup of tea or coffee or chocolate held hostage securely between both your hands. Before I could eeny, meeny, miny, moe on which of those temptations to fall for, we hear heavy pounding outside. 

The kids rush to the window to see what is going on.  I join them to find out where the noise was coming from. Two minutes of taking it all in and I made the decision to fetch my phone and open the door a fraction.  There are things that don’t happen every day.

Interesting how two people see the same thing and interpret it differently.

On the one hand, one sees an exciting thing worth filming. On the other hand, someone else sees danger and fear creeps up on them to the point of tears.

The spectacle we are all witnessing while photographing and filming is (cue drums) … Hailstones. Yes, it is raining hailstones!

The stones are hitting the roof with a vengeance. Splattering all over the ground and bits and pieces find their way to our veranda. My hands get busy. My phone is busy.

I briefly pause filming to look at the girls now standing on the couch and looking outside the window. Both have quizzical looks on their faces. They look confused!

The hailstones are now filling up the ground. There is more white than green on the grass. They keep falling. They are big. The pounding is loud. It rains hard.

After a while, I go back inside the house, phone in hand. Video clip in phone memory. It is then that Heidi calls me to report that “Hailey analia”

And indeed she is crying. Silently. Fearfully. She is scared. She points outside to ask what is going on. The rain is noisy. ‘Things’ are falling from the sky. I then delve into a brief geography lesson on why these ‘things’ are hitting our roof.

Realizing that I am not making headway with the somewhat complex geography lesson, I give up and instead assure her repeatedly that she is in no danger whatsoever. Heidi, while listening to my explanation to Hailey had just one question to ask: Was there any chance that the falling ‘ice’ could find its way into our house and smash the TV set? (They had been watching cartoons) When I assured her that there was no chance of that happening, she climbed down from the couch and went back to watching Nickelodeon, unperturbed by the noise.

The kids had never witnessed this kind of rains before. It took a while for me to convince them that this was not something new. That sometimes instead of good old rainfall, earth is pelted with hailstones.

Interesting how we see things differently through different sets of eyes. The experienced eye sees opportunities where others see scary challenges. I grabbed the opportunity for photos and videos. I was fascinated by this rare occurrence and wanted to hang onto every minute of it for as long as it lasted. Hailey on the other hand, the poor child, saw a threat to her livelihood! This was all new to her and therefore, something was not right.  It wasn’t supposed to rain this way. This was different. And to some set of eyes, different equals scary.

Next time you go through a challenging experience remember that someone else could have gone through it before you. In fact, bet on it. There is after all nothing new under the sun. Others could have managed to overcome the same to come out unscathed. Just because it is new to you doesn’t mean you cannot overcome it as well. Fearless people have faced challenges over and over again to reach a point where they don’t pay attention to fear anymore.

Hailey’s tears subsided eventually. But she kept looking outside the window, taking it all in until the rains stopped. Once the heavens ceased pelting the earth, she looked at me curiously and asked a question that seemed to have occupied her mind for a while:

“So Mum, can it also rain mud?”

We almost didn’t cry

There is a place Heidi escapes to when she needs soothing or when she is sleepy. She finds that place as soon as she puts her index finger in her mouth and sucks on it as she runs her other hand on any nearby fabric.

I haven’t told you about Heidi’s first day at school have I? Alrighty then, there’ll be no further ado...

Date: Monday 6th January, 2014. Place: Nairobi, Kenya.  

I wake up at 5am as usual and I sensed, even before dawn broke, that it would be a long day.

The day started at a slow pace with me taking a slow shower “So much time in my hands,” I foolishly thought. I went to the kitchen to prepare tea then heated the kid’s bathing water before ransacking their wardrobe for their uniforms.

All set, I woke up Heidi - better to start with the youngest, right? Wrong! Let’s just say that this is where the rush officially began! Heidi did not wonder why I woke her up early because she knew from the previous day that today was D-day. Waking her up was not a problem. The problem was that she was too excited, therefore playful and fidgety. Bathing an excited child! The rocket science of bathing and dressing an excited child! Has any of you ever tried it? It is messy and exhausting. It involves spillage...lots of it. It requires patience (loads and loads of patience!) and excellent persuasion skills.

I bathed Heidi for what seemed like hours and had trouble applying Vaseline on her. She giggled at every touch “You’re tickling me!” she shrieked. I swear I wasn’t! Tickling her was the furthest thing from my mind. She wouldn’t stop laughing though. She was slow in putting up her arms as I passed the dress over her head. I pleaded, cajoled and begged her to cooperate. I couldn’t blame her - it was after all her first day of school!

I was exhausted even before I started on Hailey. Lucky for me, Hailey was more cooperative and I finished with her in record time. Breakfast out of the way, we made for the door. Rushing like mad!

No sooner had we gone outside the gate, than Heidi’s shoe snapped and the strap came off. Murphy’s law was at work! We had to rush back to the house to get a different pair.

By this time, we were at the epitome of the rush. The eye of the storm - so to speak. The rush was on us like white on rice. We practically ran to the school and funny thing is that the girls enjoyed the run. I think they enjoyed watching me run more than anything else.

You know about school opening days and queues right? They sorta go together like githeri and avocado :-)  (I am writing this post over lunch hour so bear with me) We reach Hailey’s primary school section and there is a queue from here to theeeeereee! The genius in me reasons that we should start with Heidi’s baby class section. I asked Hailey to wait for me at their registration hall as I rushed to take Heidi to her class.

Heidi’s section was also packed. What’s worse is that here, the children are yelling for their mommies and so progress is at a snail’s pace! I decide to stick it out all the same. We got to queuing and our patience eventually paid off. Soon, Heidi and I were strutting from the administration office to her allocated class to meet her new teacher. I crossed my fingers, hoping she wouldn’t cry. She didn’t. There was no sign of a tear. I cautiously bid her farewell and seeing how well she was taking it all, I sprinted to the primary section to find Hailey.

I found Hailey. A different Hailey than I remembered. She was seated with her new friends, chatting away quietly. Happily. No worry or anxiety in her face. I looked at her and it hit me! Like a thunderbolt it hit me: My girl is all grown up! I had never seen her act so mature and independent! Some sort of epiphany was happening; I don’t know whether the sharp contrast between the primary and baby class sections exaggerated things a bit but it was enough to stop me on my tracks. Hailey smiled and waved at me when she saw me approaching.

I really don’t know what I expected. I expected to find her anxious, for her to run to meet me and ask me why I took too long to get back. I expected some kind of childlike reaction, you know? Not the calm, waving, smiling, chatting-quietly young girl I found seated, surrounded by a bunch of pupils. I had to take a moment to take it all in.

Sometimes you think you are watching them as they grow only to realize that they’ve been growing, but you haven’t been watching!

After Hailey’s registration, I decided to pass by Heidi’s class to check on her one last time. You know, see if she is getting along fine with the other kids. I am utterly ashamed to announce at this point that this takes the biscuit for being the biggest mistake of the day, on my part.

Heidi was doing fine alright. Until she saw me. “MUMMY! She was so excited to see me back. “Twende?” she asked. The clever girl thought that 20 minutes of class was enough and it was time to leave!

She came to where I stood talking to her teacher and held onto the hem of my dress. Her index finger swiftly found its way to her mouth. When I tried to convince her to take a seat next to the other kids, she shook her head vigorously. This was promptly followed by frowning. Then the creasing of her face. And then...SWASH! She turned on the waterworks! Seeing my helplessness, her teacher carried her and tried to distract her. At that point I was dying to sweep her in my arms and carry her with me.

When my child cries, I cry with her. She screams and gets tears smeared all over her face coupled with a running nose to boot. Her crying is evident, for all to see that she is unhappy. When this happens, I cry too. Inwardly. Discretely. I cry with my heart. Until her tears stop, only then can my tears dry up as well.

Heidi and I both needed to grow out of this interdependence. So I walked away with tears in my heart. I too was yelling and screaming. I was just as afraid as Heidi was. While she wondered how she’d get through the day without mummy, I thought “Will my precious cope with the new environment, the new faces?”

So yeah. We cried. We yelled. And screamed. But we braved day number one like champs! And now we are doing much better. We almost didn’t cry. Almost. You should be proud of us.

My Sponges

Starting today, our ‘sponge’ is home for the school holidays. That is what Hailey’s Headmistress called our children when we joined them for the school parent’s day today. “They will absorb everything you do like a dry sponge takes in water. They will imitate everything regardless of what you say to them. When it comes to children, action indeed speaks louder than words. So do you want your children to be generous? Be generous. You want them to be neat? Be neat. You want them to have etiquette and use proper language? Then have etiquette and use proper language.” She said

These words hit home for me because I had had a clear demonstration about this just a few days back.

As a routine, Hailey and Heidi’s first stop when they wake up from their bed in the morning is to come to my room. If I am not awake, they will wake me up to say good morning. I don’t know how it started but it has stuck. Sometimes when I have the very rare chance of sleeping in, I bid them good morning really fast and dive back under the covers to continue sleeping. I learnt the hard way that ignoring them only helps to make them more persistent. Ever heard a child trying to get their mother’s attention when she is on the phone or when she is engrossed in a conversation with another adult? That kid will not stop tugging and pulling and chanting ‘MUMMY!’ until you pay him or her some attention. I am sure by now every mother knows that once a child starts with the incessant ‘MUMMYs’ the smart thing is to respond immediately and nip the chorus in the bud. You might think they are pestering you then but wait until you ignore them. But I digress and I don’t have a generous word count to work with so…

The events after the morning greetings are always somewhat routine;

Hailey will rush to the bathroom (thank God, she is not a bedwetter) After the bathroom visit, she will go to the sitting room, switch on the TV, search for the cartoon channel and watch cartoons as she awaits further instructions on how her day should proceed. If it is a school day, she will, sooner or later, quit cartoons and get ready for school. If not a school day, she will have to wash her face and take her breakfast.

Being the diaper kid that she is (don’t ask), Heidi skips the bathroom trip. She normally wakes up with an appetite and will want breakfast pronto! With a slice of bread in her hand, she will roam around the house. She will be in the living room for a minute to sip her tea, watch a bit of cartoon with Hailey. Then she will pinch her or grab something from Hailey and run to their bedroom. Hailey will yell at her. “I am not your friend!” she will say. Heidi will return whatever she took and ask pleadingly “Hailey, are you my friend?” to which Hailey will respond in the affirmative. Happy Heidi will then go about touching stuff and throwing things around as she eats. Calls for her to take her breakfast while seated will go unheeded. We now know why we always find a half eaten slice of bread in the laundry basket or on the shoe rack.

When she is bored with everything and everyone else, she will barge into my room, most probably finding me awake or if it’s my very lucky day, then I could still be under the covers.  Should I still be sleeping, she will exit to come back later. Should I be awake, then she will hang around. She will join me when I bow down my head to pray. She will insist on helping me to make my bed and make a mess out of it in the process. She will run out of the room to take another sip of tea, come back with another slice of bread, complain that she doesn’t like honey on her bread, complain that her tea has no sugar and bring it to me for verification. I will taste the warm tea (I love my tea scalding-hot, so tasting her lukewarm tea is torture) only to find that it actually does have sugar. I will tell her that her tea is just fine and convince her to take it. She will oblige and keep roaming in and out of every room in the house.  All this time, her sister will be laughing at something Garfield did or said.

On the material day, she found me trying on a dress I was to wear that day. I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself. Heidi stood quietly observing me. I then turned to assess my behind. Satisfied that it looked fine (ha!) I ironed the dress of choice and went to take a shower.

When I came back from the bathroom, who do I find in my room? Heidi. What is she doing? She is looking at herself in the mirror. How? She has her back turned to the mirror and get this, she is checking out her diaper-donned ass!

If it wasn’t clear to me how imitative children are, it became crystal clear to me then.

So the headmistress was right. It is indeed true that Children are like sponges. They soak up everything from us; the good, the bad, the ugly.

The pressure!

Motherhood: What I was never told

Something happens when you hold a small fragile-boned newborn in your arms. If you sit still for a moment and really get lost in that moment, you might feel your heart melt. I kid you not! The sweet baby scent will waft to caress your nostrils and you will be tempted to have another baby if only to enjoy that heavenly scent again-I speak for myself here. You will see their small beautiful eyes (if you are lucky to catch them when they're awake), their tiny lips, small pink nose, ears and you will wonder. Yes you will wonder because at that moment, you will  realize how much you have grown. How much you have gone through. How many mistakes you have made.How much experience you have gained. How many lessons you have learnt. In a nutshell, how much has happened since you were just as fragile and clueless as that newborn you are holding, to the grown up that you now boast of being. So yeah, you will wonder. 

Then again, maybe that is just me.

See, I am an aunt (yet again) to not just one but a pair of adorable boys. Wait, did I hear you applaud? Why, thank you! Thank you! You're far too kind. *curtsies* Now if you will let me finish...

My twin nephews were born two weeks ago and their mother, my younger sister,  has now proudly added the tag 'mother' to her bragging rights. That's a tag that comes with so much responsibility doesn't it? When you step into motherhood, you make an entrance into this grand hood having armed yourself for the journey ahead. As a newbie, you will get advice flowing your way from all directions. After getting all this advice,maybe even noting everything down for future reference,  you will lie to yourself that you know all there is to know about being a mother. Then baby comes along, and you will feel short-changed.

You will feel short-changed because there are some truths about motherhood that are conveniently left out by the motherhood fraternity. This could be because no one would like to be the one to punctuate the ‘aaaaahs! and  ‘aaaaaaws!’ with anything unbecoming. Who does that? 

Ok, maybe me. But let me state categorically (Check me out, I just used one of the most abused phrases by Kenyan politicians! Oh, well...) that I love my two daughters to a fault. I however had to find out some harsh realities about motherhood from my own experiences and the experiences of other mothers around me. Most mothers won't share with you these, but being the spoilsport that I am, and since I don't remember taking any oath of silence, I will share what I have learnt with all you newbie mothers out there.

1. No, you will not enjoy every minute of motherhood. There will be days when though you love your children, you will loathe the work that comes with being a mother. As long as you remember that loving your kids and hating what you have to put up with is pretty normal, you will do just fine.
2. You will be so sleep-deprived and exhausted the first few months and you will be tempted to think that you must be doing something wrong. Why? Because other mothers have it easy? Ha! You’ve been punked! They fed you with stories of how great motherhood is and left out the hard realities because they didn’t want to break the cycle.
3. Poop (or in my case poopoo) and pee (in my case, susu) will become very common words in your vocabulary. You frown at them now but as soon as you have your child, these words will flow from your mouth with not the slightest tinge of embarrassment. I said it.
4. Having a child will change you. Just like drinking, it will exacerbate your true inner personality. Brace yourself.
5. Your relationship with your spouse will need some adjustment. Failure to which, you will stare separation or divorce in the face. He will - most definitely - change. Whether for better or for worse, you will only find out when your child arrives.
6. Don’t have children until you are 100% sure that you can be a great parent alone. In case of divorce you cannot afford to be anything less than 100% capable. If you are not, your child(ren) will suffer. You don't want that.
7. I am struggling with potty training for Heidi and this is what I have concluded: They will go when they are ready, and they don’t give a damn how expensive diapers are!
8. You don’t need half the things you buy for your child, onesies especially, because they outgrow those tiny clothes in the blink of an eye. All that a newborn needs are food, warm clothes, diapers and a place to sleep. Really.
9. It is true what they say, that when there’s one child its a child in an adults’ house. When there are two children, its the adults who are in the children’s house.
10. But for health related hindrances, you cannot afford not to breastfeed your child. They say that scientific findings have indicated that the lack of mother-child bonding during breastfeeding could be a contributing factor to prostitution tendencies by women seeking to be loved and promiscuous men seeking elusive gratification. Whether this is true or false, I am sure no mother wants to take that chance if breastfeeding is a viable option for her.

They never told me how much I would laugh either. I laugh at how Heidi dances to a song, at Hailey imitating her pre-unit teacher. I laugh more now, than I ever did before.

It will do you good to add the above to the list you already have to make it complete. You probably have been told how you will love like you never loved before. That the good days will make the bad ones fade into oblivion. That is absolutely true. Otherwise, though pregnancy is a tiresome, life-sucking experience that is crowned with excruciating labour pains, why do you think, we never learn our lesson? Why do we go ahead and have more children?

It is because, when you look at the bigger picture, you can never describe motherhood as a horrible experience. Not even if you tried.

Sister dearest, as you don your new hood of mother, I tip my hood to you. 

Welcome to motherhood.