The Roaring Lady In Red

“When in doubt, wear Red” Bill Blass

“When are the elections for the PTA officials held?” She asked.

Our heads turned from her to the person she was addressing.

“The elections are held every year” he replied.

We all turned our heads to look at her. She was still standing.

“When? Cos we’ve never heard about them?” I could swear I saw a sneer on her face!

Heads turn back to him.

“Actually, the PTA officials are selected by a PTA organizing committee, not by the members” he explained patiently, ignoring the sneer.

Heads turn back to her.

“Why are you here alone then? Where are the other officials?”

Back to him

He smiled. No, that wasn’t a genuine smile. More like a ‘who-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are’ smile

“Good question. I don’t know where the other officials are either. ” he laughed

Her

She is still on her feet. Clearly, that answer did not amuse her as it did the gentleman.

“Ever since we started coming to these PTA meetings, you’ve always been introduced as the chairman. You mean to tell me the committee has been re-electing you over and over?”

Someone in the crowd giggled. Another gave a low whistle. Claws were out!

Had we been a fun crowd (which I thoroughly regret we weren’t) we would immediately have played the song ROAR by Katy Perry as the soundtrack for this scene. I need more fun parents with a vibrant playlist in their touch screen phones to attend these PTA meetings with. “…you’re gonna hear me roar oh oh oh oh oh oh…” The lady in red was roaring alright! Imagine the above exchange happening as the song played in a low volume. That would have been fun! We were no fun! Or maybe I watch too many movies!!!

“I stand here as the PTA Chairman because I was elected as such” he answered, visibly pissed with the interrogation.

It was getting ugly people!

Md and I shared a look. He shook his head. I smiled. Where was popcorn when you needed it!

“So when is the next election?” she prodded.

She was not going to let this go, was she?

We all turned to look at her then back at the gentleman. Our head choreography was spectacular!

“December. But as I said, the organizing committee elects the officials, not…”

You could tell he was struggling to be civil. The interrogation went back and forth, and so did our heads. Back, forth.

“But we don’t even know when these elections are held. We’ve always known you as the chairman, aren’t there other people who can be elected to that post”

The guy yielded. He must have realized that this exchange was headed nowhere. He kept giving answers, while she kept asking the same question over and over.

“I will sit down now and let one of the committee members answer your questions”

He sat down. She followed suit. FINALLY! Something told me that she would stand up again for another reason. She was after all, dressed in red.

The committee member stood up and repeated the same information that the Chairman had given. YAWN!

The exchange we had just witnessed was between the PTA chairman and a parent. We attended the girls’ Academic day at their school this past weekend and all was going well, until one lady in a red dress decided to give the PTA Chairman a hard time.

Now, you would be tempted to think that the Chairman was incompetent, or did not chair the meeting as expected hence the attack from the lady right? You would be tempted further to think that he refused to let her speak her mind during the meeting, that he ignored her hand when it went up? Au contraire! He was doing a good job of chairing the meeting. He was fair and gave the lady so many chances to stand up and wow the audience with her beautiful personality, grace and charm.  He in fact insisted on hearing contributions equally from men and women alike. He said it. He said, I will give three gentlemen a chance to speak, and three women a chance as well.

“Sema equality!” I whispered to Md.

She wore a red dress and had braided hair. She was slender and from the introductions - we had to introduce ourselves, the name of our child(ren) and which class they were in- I gathered that her son was in standard 3. Allan, if memory serves me right.

The meeting had been going well, and we discussed issues that needed to be addressed by the school. Issues about changing the school uniform – they are introducing some pretty dresses for our girls, yay! – how we need more buses for transportation to and from school. Punishment issues, how flogging should be done with moderation. It was in essence a very constructive meeting. Until her claws came out.

If you ask me when I first sensed that she was trouble, I would tell you when she stood up to make contributions several times and I noticed that she was wearing a red dress. The confidence that comes with wearing a red dress! I knew there and then that she was on fire! If you ask md when he first sensed that the lady in red was trouble, he will tell you when she took every chance to take photos with her i-pad, even during moments which were in his opinion, not the standard ‘Kodak moments’.

Bill Blass said that Red is the ultimate cure for sadness. Wearing red attire builds up your confidence. They say that it gives you a presence, perks you up. It is almost like a drug! (Sssssshhhh!) Think about it. So hate the game, not the player.

Theatrics aside, I finally met Shanterina. Not my Shanterina, but Hailey’s friend Shanterina. We met her after the PTA meeting, as we were going to Heidi’s class to meet her teacher. Md is holding Heidi’s hand as we are walking, then she suddenly yells “Shanty! Shanty!” as she waved at a young girl in a ponytail. Our attention was piqued. Wait, we know that name, don’t we?! That name gets a mention in our household quite a bit. But isn’t she Hailey’s friend? We say hi to Shanterina Odhiambo as she gives Heidi a PK (chewing gum) tablet from the pack she had.  Apparently, Shanterina though in Hailey’s class, is both Hailey and Heidi’s friend. And she is the sweetest girl!

PS: I apologize for the late post. My schedule this week has been quite messed up. Forgiven? Aren’t you guys the best-est! J

The Magic Bean

“First tell us a story then sing for us. When you are done, we will all pray and go to sleep” Hailey clearly gives the sequence of events when I try to send them to slumber land with just a prayer. Heidi nods in agreement with her sister. A prayer is never enough. A short story, a song, prayer, then sleep.

I don’t know why I have to sing on most days at 7.30pm in the evening but I indulge them anyway. When you see Hailey’s face as she watches me sing, you would think she is watching Celine Dion in concert. There is never a dull moment with these children of mine. Not one!

The story is always a selection from Cinderella, Snow White and the seven dwarfs, and Little Red Riding Hood. I really need to expand my fairy tales scope. I tried Rumpelstiltskin but scratched it when I couldn’t remember what happens after: Once upon a time, there was a girl called Rumpelstiltskin who had long golden hair. Her hair was so long that it was used as a ladder… Then I hit a blank. I should read that story again to refresh my memory as soon as I am done with writing this post. The things we do for love. *le sigh!*.

The story I enjoy telling the most though, is the one about the boy who cried wolf. I like this story because I get to drive the importance of honesty into my girls’ heads. You should see me saying with exaggerated emphasis, forefinger pointing up; “…the moral of the story is if you insist on telling lies, no one will believe you when you tell the truth” I think I have repeated this phrase a ‘nauseating’ couple of times but thankfully my girls are still too respectful to use the phrase “Shut up Mum!” - I am not sure how long that will last though.

For the longest time, I have been aware that repeating the above stories could soon earn me the badge ‘Boring Mum’. Then this weekend, Phoebe Buffay, she of the comedy Friends (Yeah, don’t mind me. Carry on into the future with The Big Bang Theory while I hang around the 20^th Century for a while longer) handed a fairy tale to me.

It is season 1 of Friends. The one where it all began. Rachel has just left Barry (the groom, an orthodontist) at the altar. She couldn’t marry him because she realized at the last moment, when she was fully dressed in a wedding gown, when the church was full with congregants eager to witness an exchange of nuptials. At that moment, just as she was about to walk towards her future husband’s arms, she realized then that she did not have feelings for Barry. Poor Barry! Great timing?!

So here is Rachel, wondering whether she made a mistake. She left Barry at the altar. Barry was an orthodontist, you know, quite the catch? (Because she was marrying his job?) Now she is at a point where she is second-guessing herself. What if she lives to regret this decision for the rest of her life? Phoebe then steps in. I love Phoebe! She compares Rachel to Jack.  No, not Jack from downstairs. Jack from the Jack and the beanstalk story.

Once upon a time, there was a boy called Jack who lived with her widowed mother. They were very poor. All they had was one cow which they depended on for milk. The cow stopped producing milk and Jack’s mother, not knowing what to do, decided to sell the cow because, you know, hard times. Jack was assigned the task of taking the cow to the market to find a buyer for it. Instead of giving Jack money in exchange for the cow, a butcher offered him five beans which unbeknownst to Jack's mother, were magic beans. Her mother was (understandably) annoyed to get beans in place of her precious cow. Vexed, she threw them out of the window, into the garden where they grew into a huge beanstalk that stretched all the way to the sky. Curious Jack climbs up the beanstalk and discovers a castle whose occupants are a rich Giant and his wife. A beautiful maiden appears from nowhere and informs Jack that everything the Giant has belonged to his father, and was therefore rightfully theirs. Jack then gets into the habit of climbing up the beanstalk to the castle and stealing from the giant when he goes to sleep. He steals gold, a magic hen that lays golden eggs and a magic harp that can sing. His luck however runs out one day when the Giant catches him stealing and starts chasing him down the beanstalk. Jack then yells for his mum to bring an axe, which he uses to cut the beanstalk. The Giant falls with a thud and that was the end of him. Jack and his mum henceforth live richly, happily ever after.

Back to Friends; Rachel wonders if she made a mistake leaving the good life behind to become a waitress in New York. Her friends Phoebe and Monica are trying to encourage her. Just like Jack, she had lost a cow that was not adding value to her life anymore. The Magic bean doesn’t look as valuable as the ‘cow’ was, but it turned things around for Jack and her mother. Rachel’s magic bean is a job as a waitress. A lacklustre job; as lacklustre as a bean is when compared to money. The magic of Rachel’s bean is however manifested in her growth as an independent woman who doesn’t need her father’s credit cards (which she cuts to pieces) or her (orthodontist) husband to survive.

There is always a magic bean for everyone who lets go of something that they believed they couldn’t do without. The magic bean is neither lush nor glamorous. It looks like a pathetic mirage of what we let go of. But that magic bean gets you from where you are, to where you need to be. You have to let go of a cow that doesn't produce milk anymore, in the same way you need to let go of a bad relationship that is hurting you, an addiction that is consuming you; anything that does not add value to your life. Anything that hinders your growth.

To get from a point of misery, poverty, hopelessness, to a point of clarity, hope, and success a magic bean, a very mundane-looking magic bean, could be all you need to hold on to.

I guess you know which story I am telling the girls tonight?

Shanterina.

She is the epitome of African beauty; short hair, dark complexion, white dazzling teeth. She walks with grace. She has a smile permanently plastered on her face. She is beautiful.

Shanterina is a goddess.

She comes to me whenever I need her. I don’t even have to call her, text her, snap my fingers or anything. She just appears. Just senses my need for her, and she is there! Nice, huh?

She does her job well too. With loyalty, commitment and diligence – she possesses the perfect CV, I’m sure. She is smart and funny to boot. Her creativity is unmatched. You can’t help but fall in love with her when you meet her for the first time.

She always has the right words. She knows exactly what I want to say, when I want to say it. She fuels my thoughts.

Shanterina ladies and gentlemen, is the name I choose to call my muse. (And also the fascinating name of a girl in Hailey’s class who I have never met.  But that is a story for another day…)

Day in day out, Shanty seats by my side. I tap on my keyboard as she tells me what to write. She coins the words for me to make me look good. She does this out of selflessness. She is painfully modest. Never takes any credit. Always letting me shine in the limelight while she lurks in the shadows. She has been a great companion.

Until now.

She is quiet today. Awfully quiet. I have tried talking to her, beseeched her to give me something to pen down for you my loyal readers, but she won’t budge.

I am lost on what to do to her. I keep calling her name.“Shanterina?”

Silence

“SHANTERINA?”

Pin-drop silence

“For Chrissake, SHANTERINA, can’t you hear me calling you?"

More silence

She stares at me. Her eyes are blank. She won’t give me nothing. No emotions. No smile. No sneer. No nothing. Absolutely nothing!

Nothing I say seems to work. I even tried to bribe her at some point when desperation had hit a whole new low. “What do you want? Tell me. Anything and I will give it to you. What, you want to bleach….sorry...lighten your skin like Vera perhaps? Are you fed up of your black African skin?” I asked

Silence.

“Is that what you want? Tell me … 50 million is a lot of money, but, but … I can organize a small harambee … have all my friends and readers donate something…you know….”

Silence.

“Can we go to work now please? Please remind me of that funny incident that happened that day in whatsthenameofthatplaceagain? Remember? Go on, tell me about that as I type...”

I stretch out my fingers as I hover my left hand over letters A S D F, and my right hand over J K L ; as we were taught in typing school.

My fingers are ready. I sit upright. My posture is ready.

I am all set. Yet my muse won’t budge

She does not utter a word.

“What do you want from me?” I ask in exasperation

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

Silence.

“TALK TO ME DAMMIT! SAY SOMETHING!”

She looks away as if ashamed of my outburst.

I am going crazy. She is driving me mad!

“Please…” I add softly

“Don’t leave me now?”

She looks at me.  

“Please. I need you” I continue pressing for a reaction. ANY reaction.

“I need you!”

I am begging now. Groveling, really. I am one sentence away from falling on my knees. I even use Pink’s lyrics from the song “Please don’t leave me”, to plead my case; “I always say how I don’t need you, but it’s always gonna come right back to this. Pleeeeease don’t leave me!”

Shanterina has an ice-cold heart people! She is unmoved.

I am beyond desperate now. I go up to her and hold her arm. I pull her face towards mine to force her to look at me. Maybe if she sees my pleading eyes, her heart will soften.

Our eyes meet. She returns my stare. She doesn’t blink. There is no emotion there. Her heart doesn’t soften. She feels nothing

“Please give me something” I whisper still looking her deep in the eyes.

Shanty pulls away to free her arm from my grasp.

She turns her back towards me and starts to walk away. She takes one steady step at a time. She is leaving.

The distance between us grows bigger. She is leaving!

“SHANTERINA!” I call after her.

She stops in her tracks but doesn’t look back.

“SHANTERINA!” I bark even louder. So loud that I do not recognize my own voice.

This is enough to make her turn. She looks straight at me.

I take my time. I walk slowly, leisurely, towards her. One steady step at a time.

I stop short of walking into her frame. Our faces are almost touching. Some of our body parts touch. I am aware that I just invaded her personal space. I know that I should step back a little, give us some room. But I don’t move an inch. I have my face in hers. I can smell her breath. Mint. Her eyes don’t blink. Neither do mine.

My eyes burrow into hers.

I bring up my right hand to cup her chin and force her face to the side so that my mouth is directly above her right ear.

"Shanterina…?” I whisper in her ear.

She says nothing. Of course!

“YOU ARE FIRED!” I hiss into her ear again. The words come out of me with so much force that it makes me shudder.

Without saying a word, she frees herself from my grip. She steps back. Reclaiming her personal space. 

She then turns to walk away like before. I look at her as she walks away.

Then I see it.

There’s a leap in her step. She skips and turns around to look at me.

She smiles! A bright smile. Perfect teeth. She winks at me then turns away to glide into the horizon.

I find myself smiling.

“See you soon” I whisper at her disappearing frame.

See you soon!