Did you watch that episode on K24’s Connect where Gertrude Mungai, the co-host of the show, was demonstrating how some ‘mombasa raha’ positions can be carried out to maximum satisfaction? Well, if you didn’t, youtube will always help you out. I am sure you have an opinion on it, but first things first.
Did you blush when she boldly got on top of her ‘model’ and gyrated her hips as she demonstrated how to get the most out of the missionary position? Did you exclaim in disbelief as she put both her legs up in the air and showed you how to guide your partner with your feet, from behind while he was ‘at work?’ Were you tempted to believe that the world is coming to an end when she gave instructions on how to ‘kamata bonnet’ - she called that her christmas gift to us, how sweet! Or was it?
When you eventually got over your embarrassment, did you continue watching or did you switch off your Tv set in protest? At the end of it all, did you learn anything? Nothing at all? She didn’t mention a position that you particularly enjoy with your partner, did she? I remember her mentioning a few that were her favorite, did she demonstrate a few of yours as well? None? Ok, but at least she suggested something that you’ve always wanted to try out, right? You must have thought at some point “Mmmh...interesting”. Don’t lie to me now, we’re all adults here. Or are we?
So the million dollar question since the show aired in December last year, demonstrations and all, has been whether she is selling immorality or some form of genuine, much needed sex education.
Here’s a questionnaire I came up with to help us put things in perspective:
- Is the show rated 21 years and above?
- Does it have married couples as its target audience?
- At the age of 21 years are children aware of the birds and the bees sex and sexuality courtesy of their very responsible parents, the very reliable internet, or very well informed buddies?
- During the time the show airs (11 pm is it?) are children (supposed to be) snoring in slumberland?
- Is sex a vital part of every marriage?
- Are married folks allowed to enjoy mind-blowing, earth-shattering, guiltless sex?
- Does lack of intimacy or sex in a marriage contribute to its detriment?
- Does sex in marriage have to be boring?
- Does improved sexual performance lead to satisfaction of both parties, hence better chances of a happier marriage?
- Does the show encourage promiscuity, unnatural acts or immorality of any kind?
- Does sexual dissatisfaction create a disconnect between couples that could open avenues for infidelity to set in?
- Can a show like this help a couple break the silence and allow them to communicate effectively about their sexual expectations?
- Though they say that sex is a preserve for the married, is it the married who hardly ever enjoy it fully?
- Is it a crime to enjoy sex with your spouse?
- Did Gertrude dress decently for this show?
- Was she sexually provocative?
- Were there any clumsy or awkward moments while she manoeuvred around the set?
- Are we applying double standards when we watch shows that have sex scenes and nudity merely for entertainment purposes and complain about this particular one?
Again I ask, is the show educative or immoral?
Allow me to let you in on the drama that unfolds when you take a child Heidi’s age to church. She is two years old now and at her age, she can talk - boy, can she talk! She is however still new to socialisation and cannot be left with unfamiliar faces without her making a fuss.
The deal with our church is that children go to Sunday School where they sing and are taught to pray while bonding with other children. The rest of us grown ups attend mass in the main church.
I have tried for three Sundays now to get Heidi to go for Sunday School classes with her sister, and all three times, I have failed miserably! The first time I tried being firm and even though she cried, I listened to the Sunday School teacher when she said “She’ll be fine, they all start out like that” I therefore left her wailing in her arms and turned to walk away. She screamed and cried as if the world was coming to an end. “Go on” The teacher insisted and like Johnnie Walker, I kept walking.
Since I wasn’t sure if she will quieten down, I sat next to the exit of the main church just in case I would have to make a hasty retreat to go back and get her. I waited; two seconds passed, she was still screaming. 5...10. I kept my cool. “She will be fine, Hailey is in there with her ” I consoled myself “Kids go through this all the time” 15 seconds ….20 seconds....half a minute...Don’t children’s lungs get tired?!
For a minute there I thought she went quiet, only for the crying to resume. The other congregants were hearing nothing, everyone was busy listening to the sermon. I played along for five long minutes and when she persisted I decided that was it! I had to get my daughter back. The teacher labelled me with one look - “Wuss!” I shrugged my shoulders “I tried?” Heidi was handed to me and we went with her to the main church; her sulking with a ‘how-dare-you!’ look, me feeling defeated.
Nonetheless, Sunday School is a very good idea mainly because children really get to learn about the whole idea behind going to church and because as a parent, if your little angel is with you in church, your attention is divided. Many are the times I have gone to church and came out feeling like I just went there to chase my kid around as she plays.
Heidi perceives going to church as going for a playdate. She will sample out other children and when she sees a kid that she likes, she goes in for a kill. A smile, a touch of hands, then “Sasa?” If the other kid smiles and answers back, or even just smiles, BAM! Playtiiiime! They will chase each other around shouting with not a care in the world. I will be beside myself with frustration trying to concentrate, to pray, to listen, and to spare the other congregants the not-so-holy noise, all in vain!
This particular Sunday, I tried to give Sunday school a shot once again and even before we reached the class, she was in tears. We had to leave Hailey and head with her to the main church. AGAIN! I however decided to sit in a pew devoid of children. “Eradicate peer pressure”, I thought to my smart self.
She behaved for a while. When she wanted to say something, she whispered in my ears (she’s so into ear-whispering at the moment). When I carried her while standing, she pushed strands of my plaited hair back and rested her head on my shoulder. Soon, her forefinger was inside her mouth. See, Heidi sucks her forefinger and when her finger finds her way to her mouth, you know she wants some quiet time and doesn’t want to be bothered. That is how she falls asleep every night; finger in mouth.
Seeing her like that, I sighed with relief because I knew she was in check. “Look at the person seated next to you, is it your husband, your wife, your girlfriend, boyfriend? Some of you came with your spouses. But right now, you are not seated next to each other. Some barely talk to each other because you have become strangers to each other...”, the priest was saying. I was really feeling the sermon and wouldn’t have been surprised if someone from the congregation yelled “Preach Father, Preach!”
I took the chance to look at the people seated next to me on each side. To my right was a lady, to my left a gentleman. For the next couple of minutes, I kept apologizing to the lady to my right because Heidi kept stepping on her as she swung her leg back and forth. She was very understanding and told me not to worry about it.
After the sermon, we started singing, and Heidi came alive. “Mum...mum...MUM!” she yelled when I tried to ignore her. Thankfully, her shouting was drowned by the singing. I however realized that ignoring her was not a good idea and I quickly responded in a low tone willing her to follow suit. Then she goes “SA-SA?!” in a loud voice just when the song had come to an end and pin drop silence engulfed the church. Seriously baby girl?
This coming sunday, it is Sunday School for Heidi or Sunday School for Heidi so help me God!
This is not just a rant but an expression of profound disappointment in one Dr. Joachim Osur who, in the Saturday Magazine of the Daily Nation (19th Jan) writes about a form four girl who came to him for help because she suspected that what her father was doing to her; touching her inappropriately, buying her gifts, visiting her bedroom at odd hours - was not part of a normal father-daughter relationship.She was scared that though her father had not had sex with her yet, she saw the possibility of it happening soon.
She was feeling helpless, not knowing where to turn to, she took a chance on the author. Though she had difficulty talking about this, amid tears, she gathered enough courage to open up to him and tell him what was going on in the privacy of their home. The author admits to not knowing what to do when the girl dropped the bombshell and I wish at this point he had sought help from other qualified professionals to take on the young girl’s case.
This article had me deeply disturbed at the nonchalant way the author treated the whole situation as though the girl was complaining about a petty nuisance.
This is because, the Doctor only helped to push the girl back to the insecurity of her home, where she was indeed raped by her father! Even after she had sought help from him, she had gathered all the courage she could master to talk to someone who she thought could help her avert an injustice from being meted out on her, she spoke out, she took a step in spite of her fears. And still she was raped! The good Doctor did nothing but redirected her to close friends and relatives or a church pastor, instead of grabbing the chance to stop the very potent danger she faced.
I am left wondering, I am no Doctor nor a psychiatrist, but did the author not realise that the reason the girl came to him may have been because she could not open up to these other people he was suggesting?
By the time I finished reading the article I was furious because this could have been prevented. I could not bring myself to understand how an editor of one of the most respected newspapers would allow such blatant show of negligence on a matter so sensitive to be printed.
Dr. Osur should have taken it upon himself to contact the girl’s mother, or close relative - the people he was suggesting the girl should talk to. He should have taken it upon himself to ensure the safety of that girl instead of letting “...the whole thing go out of his mind” on the assumption that the girl was safe. How now?
Talking about something like that especially touching on her father, must have been a ginormous task for that young girl. She put so much on the line because she was afraid of what would happen if she kept quiet about his father’s behaviour. Sadly, that act of courage, came to nought. Thanks to one Doctor who, with a referral, sent her back to her molester.
The author continues to write “If only my patient had involved a relative or a close family friend, or even brought the father to the clinic as agreed, we would have stopped the beastly man” To me, this is the most insulting sentence in the whole article.
Dr. Osur, you lay blame on that brave girl yet she did what most girls don’t have the courage to do by speaking up-evidently not to the right person-but she did what she could to try and prevent this. While other girls are too scared to speak up and suffer in silence, she did things differently. She came to YOU! Not her relative, not her close family friends and not her father the molester... Are you kidding?
Unlike her mother or family members who had no idea what was going on, you knew what she was going through, and you did nothing about it. Not that it will do much now since the damage is already done, but I think you owe her an apology anyway.
The way I see it, when it comes to rape, and child molestation of any kind, you are either part of the solution or part of the problem. You can either help these children by going after the perpetrators or sit back as your peers, husbands, boyfriends have their way with them. This also goes for the disgusting women who for the demented notion that they have to bend over backwards for their men, look the other way as their daughters are molested by these beasts in their homes.
That young girl, Dr. Osur sir, was molested on your watch! Because of your negligence, her life will never be the same again. For that you should be ashamed.
